Flap over Breastfeeding Baby Doll Ridiculous

The original article is here.

Here's the thing: in the United States, we have this bizarre dichotomy that sexualizes the female breast on one hand and on the other hand decries the function it was created for as "dirty and disgusting." Children the world over play "house" and pretend to be mommies. In other countries, breastfeeding an infant is seen as normal and natural. There is nothing disgusting about nursing a baby and nothing disgusting about a little girl playing "mommy." Perhaps those who think it's disgusting need to check their reasoning. I think its far more disgusting for breasts to be seen as "fun bags," playthings for the titillation of males who have the minds of horny adolescents. I think it's disgusting that women feel the need to alter their natural breasts with outlandish silicone sacks to please this sort of man.
Breasts are first and foremost created to supply nourishment to infants. Humans are mammals. Do the people that find this doll disgusting also find it disgusting when cats nurse their kittens, dogs nurse their pups, or cows, goats, sheep or horses nurse their young?
I had baby dolls and pretended to be a mommy when I was little. I didn't have my baby until I was 25 and married. The reason I initially had sex at 16 had nothing whatsoever to do with playing at being a mommy at a young age and everything to do with wanting to feel loved. My reasoning was erroneous, but it had nothing whatsoever with having seen my mother nurse my younger brother, or playing at being a mommy myself.

The Dumb Double Standard

"Lesbians are hot but gay dudes are gross."

Most often spoken by adolescent minded straight guys whose homophobic parents told them that gay is gross.

But Bisexual Guy tells it better than I can!

Here's my response to his post about the subject.

The double standard is so, so, so ridiculous. Neither is gross, and as a straight woman, the two guys kissing was hotter to me! Besides, Adam Lambert is a real genuine gay dude. Britney Spears and Madonna? I don't know if either of them actually has any bisexual leanings, but I call lesbian for the camera on that one.
I get so burned up when guys talk about how hot lesbian porn is but then decry gay male porn as "gross." I tell them that they don't have to like it, but is no more gross than either lesbian or straight sex. Also, grow the fuck up!
I also love how films, in the United States at least, try to be ever so titillating (see what I did there?) with their female nudity, but show a penis and it's all shocking and immoral and getting an NC-17 rating slapped on it!

Jennifer Hudson, I Love You, But...

I can't be the only person in this world who thinks there wasn't a thing in this world wrong with Jennifer Hudson, pre-weight watchers. It isn't her that pisses me off, it's the ads. "Before weight watchers, everything in my life was 'can't.'" So, winning American Idol, being in all those wonderful movies, and all those fine performances she did, plus surviving the horrific murders of her mother, brother, and nephew were all 'can't?' How depressing to think this way!

Sex: Overrated and Overexposed in Our Society

With choices like this, being celibate isn't as hard as some people think

In our sex-obsessed, thinness-obsessed society, there is just one way other than not giving a shit about your weight to raise eyebrows and have everyone back away from you like you just announced that you have leprosy. Wanna know how? Just admit that you're celibate and you prefer it that way.

Now you're going to get two kinds of people. If you're a straight woman, you'll get well meaning and not so well meaning guys who want to be "the one" to talk you out of your celibacy. It won't matter if, like me, you're far from young, thin, and gorgeous. Said dudes will want to be so irresistable that you can't say no to their offer to end your celibacy because of their charms. Well, keep walking, guys. It is not going to happen here.

The second kind of person you'd get is the one who screams "ZOMGHOWCANYOUNOTWANTSEX????"

What they're saying is "I'm randy, I want to stick it to everything/let everything stick it to me. How can YOU not want that? Are you calling me a slut with your non-sexualness?"

Hey, it's your thing, do what you wanna do. But don't tell me who I should or shouldn't sock it to.

There are multiple reasons why I'm celibate, have been for the past twelve years, and choose to remain so for the rest of my life.

Initially it was not by choice. I'd just had so many bad experiences with men that I was completely discouraged about the whole process. 

Well, now that I've said "bad experiences with men" I'll get the lechers who like to imagine women getting it on with each other because they can't get a man, or other well-meaning types suggesting that I just haven't found my true calling yet. Wrong. I don't have a problem with women who are lesbians. But the idea of kissing another woman does nothing for me. I am attracted to men. Our sexual orientation is hard-wired. The idea of a straight person turning gay is as ridiculous as the idea that a gay person can "be reformed" and turn straight. Believe me, if I were going to "turn lesbian" the guys who I made the mistake of being with in the past would already have pushed me over the edge! 

Women who "turn lesbian" were either bisexual or homosexual in the first place.

Straight women do not "turn lesbian" when they give up the game with men. They become celibate.

So, the initial reason that I became celibate was because my man radar was set to "douchebag." It also turned out that my gay-dar was off, because the good guys I was interested in were invariably gay. There was still hope that somehow, somewhere, there was a decent man for me. Five years went by since my last (extremely stupid) relationship with a guy a number of years older than me whose emotions were turned to "arctic freeze" except when he needed a favor of some kind. I met a guy who wasn't pressuring me for sex, who was kind, who seemed to be everything I wanted. Turned out he was still married, his marriage was on the rocks, and while he never pressured me to meet his sexual needs, he was using me to meet his emotional needs. I thought there was really something there and I was disgusted. I think that's the point when I was really, really done.

I realized not long after that I was a lot happier not playing the game. I was always miserable when I had a man in my life. My emotional problems lead me to becoming attached too quickly to anyone who shows any sign of interest even if there are red flags with the word DOUCHEBAG in neon surrounding the dude. Once in a relationship, said emotional and mental problems lead me to become obsessed and paranoid. What is HE doing? Is HE cheating on me? (Probably--he's a douchebag.) How can I live without HIM if he dumps me? Why hasn't HE called me? Ye gods, what a waste of time and energy! 

And if the dude isn't a douchebag? He's invariably a little boy in a man's body, wanting me to be "mommy" to him. Sorry, I have a kid already. I don't need to adopt another one. Much of the time my emotional problems lead me to be unable to meet the needs of others. My marriage failed because of this. The grown-up child became jealous and angry when I started spending time on the actual child that I'd just given birth to. I'm actually not saying anything bad about my ex-husband, only pointing out that emotionally we were both very immature. Once children enter into the picture, such a union is doomed.

My mental state leads me to at times be very needy and at other times be very withdrawn. In the past I've clung to whatever came to me. NOT HEALTHY! 

In other words, I don't "do relationships" well. Best not to have them.

I also don't "do" casual sex well. I don't enjoy the detachment. If I'm going to make myself that vulnerable, there would have to be a lot of trust. There never has been. Never will be. You can't talk yourself into trust. I've got a million reasons for not trusting. People tend to get upset about this. My trust issues are not conducive to a romantic relationship. I actually can't even have close friendships because of this. That bothers me a lot more than the inability to have a romantic relationship.

Now, as to the physical reasons why I don't want sex--yes, I haz 'em!

The problems with my body make it so that sex is actually uncomfortable for me. 

I have problems with my spine. My lower back is pretty messed up. I can function on a daily basis but many things are harder than they should be. My lower body is a pretty uncomfortable place a lot of the time. 

My genitourinary system is also messed up. I have fairly severe urinary incontinence. This may be in part due to my spinal problems. It may be in part due to damage to my bladder that happened during my cesarean section. I had a lot of bladder spasms following that incident. It may be in part due to scarring following several severe urinary tract infections. It may be partly caused by endometriosis causing areas of pressure on my bladder. With endometriosis, parts of the endometrium grow on the outside of the uterus. These areas can become large enough to put pressure on the bladder. It may alleviate once I've gone through menopause and the areas shrink. I can always hope. And it may be in part idiopathic stress incontinence. Put it all together and you've got a rather uncomfortable situation in the lady parts. NOT FUN and not conducive to sexual pleasure. 

Oh yeah, and any guy that is turned on by getting peed on during sex? NOT someone I want to have sex with!

The only way such a situation could ever work would be for me to be with someone that I'd been with for years whom I trusted completely and who loved me enough that the urine leakage didn't bother him. Yeah...not happening in this lifetime.

At this point I'm also pretty much asexual anyway. I am genuinely celibate by choice. Given my druthers between having sex and doing something else--writing, reading a book, going for a walk, turning my mind to mush in front of the TV, eating--I'll choose anything but sex every time. Don't need it, don't want it. 

For whatever reason, some of us are just wired that way, and it's rude of people to try and convince us how wrong we are.

I'm a person, not a conquest. I'm something of a pariah, but I have my reasons for being the way I am.

We should learn to respect one another's sexual preferences--including asexuality.

Why, Why, Why? Well...

This was my response to a post on a bipolar awareness blog regarding the Arizona shooter and the assertion that he was obviously mentally ill but nobody addressed his issues until it was too late.

Nonviolent mentally ill persons tend to fall through the cracks as well. The cost of getting mental health care in this country is prohibitive. Mental illness still tends to be seen as not a serious issue, even by health care professionals. The person who comes into the emergency room with a mental health crisis is often treated as if she or he is taking time away from the more seriously ill patients.  When people commit suicide, for instance, so many ask why, why, why, but there is often nowhere for a person to go get help. 

I know of a young man who cut his arms severely and was taken to the hospital. He was stitched up and sent off. He committed suicide a couple of years after this incident.

Also, with remarks such as "these cutters ought to save everyone the trouble and just finish the job" spoken by health care professionals, is it any wonder that people are reluctant to seek help?

Until mental illness is seen as the genuine health issue that it is and compassionate, affordable care is made available, we will continue to have such tragedies and people will continue to ask why, why, why?

Who's Behind the Mask?

Many young females hide behind a mask of sexiness. While it seems that for some this behavior is natural to a degree, when a person becomes defined only by their sexuality or ability to appear sexy, they are generally hiding their true selves out of shame or fear. Such people are often decried as sluts, thinking that they are better than other women. In reality, many of them don't think very highly of themselves at all.

Some people hide behind a mask of intelligence or ability. He/she is the one who can do it all and do it perfectly. Such a veneer may be hiding a great deal of insecurity. Perfectionism is unhealthy and leads to severe anxiety. Perfectionists tend to secretly dislike themselves. There is a strong connection between perfectionism and suicide attempts/completed suicides.

Lafayette Reynolds is a character in the True Blood television program. Lafayette is always "on." He is a caricature of the fabulous gay man. In one of the more recent episodes, he appears without his flawless makeup. 

Gay people, particularly men, have been taught to feel ashamed of who they are. There are a lot of beautiful, fabulous gay men in this world. Like Lafayette, many of them hide their insecurities behind a mask of flamboyance.

Fashion guy/gal hides behind his/her own mask of perfection. He or she wouldn't be caught dead in anything but the latest styles. His/her authenticity is hidden behind an obsessive need to look a certain way. Such people tend to fear that appearing to be anything less than perfect will reveal all their terrible imperfections, and they will be ostracized.

Per Yngve Ohlin was a real person who hid his severe emotional pain behind the mask of a dark persona known as Dead. This intimidating mask was so convincing that there are those who continue to believe that it revealed, rather than hid, the person behind it. Such people believe this individual to be some sort of an icon of "evil." To me, he is the face of psychological anguish. He committed suicide in 1991 at the age of 22. 

Some people (like me) wear baggy, non-descript clothing so nobody will look at them. Sometimes they will also gain weight for the subconscious reason of protecting themselves from being sexualized. For various reasons, I find sexualized attention very unnerving, and no, it is not "cute" when I (or anyone else) get upset about it. Many people who hide in bulky clothes were sexually assaulted at some point in their lives. Anyone who takes delight in making them feel more insecure is a douche.

Some people, particularly girls and young women, desexualize themselves by starving, taking on the physique of a child. Anorexics are often perfectionists. They believe themselves to be ultimately flawed and fight a dangerous battle to bring themselves to a perfection that they can never achieve. Many people die from anorexia every year. 

The model in this picture is French actress Isabelle Caro. She is 27 years old and has been very open about her struggles with anorexia. She is five foot five and weighs just 70 pounds.

Conversely, I am five foot five and weigh 270 pounds.

There are those who would see fit to condemn both Isabelle and me--her for starving herself to dangerous thinness, me for my perceived gluttony. But not knowing either of us--not knowing our pain, our reasons for putting on the masks that we have put on--what would give you the right to do so?

We are all suffering. Would it not be better to support rather than hate one another?

What mask do you wear? What do you fear being revealed if you take it off?