Sunday, January 30, 2011

Bipolar, Borderline, Celibate

Hypersexuality: As devastating to relationships and self-esteem as a nuclear blast

This was a  response to an article on regarding bipolar disorder and hypersexuality, and how hypersexuality affects the person who is experiencing it. It really is NOT as much "fun" as it sounds to those who don't know the havoc it can wreak on a person's life.

With both bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder having wreaked havoc on my life in my younger years, I no longer have any desire for a relationship. I can't trust anyone enough. I intensely dislike casual sex and what it stands for. It leaves me feeling empty and disgusted. I got into a lot of bad relationships when I was younger and when I look back on it, they all started when I was needy and hypersexual. Now that I'm older any urge for sex comes less often and I'm grateful for it. Once I made the conscious decision to give up sex, sometimes an entire day would be eaten up by watching porn--not even stuff I want to do in real life, just anything that seemed a little extreme. I don't understand this as it is not who I am.  I have been celibate by choice for 13 years now. I do not have any desire to change this. For me, the way to short circuit hypersexuality is to just not go there. I'd rather be alone than with someone who's going to abuse me, as happened in the past.