Monday, January 31, 2011

Thoughts On: Charlie Sheen

I'm not sure why, but I've always liked Charlie Sheen. I think that he basically means well but he's kind of screwed up. On the surface he may seem to be an irresponsible, selfish moron having a huge midlife crisis, snorting cocaine, drinking huge amounts, and partying with porn stars who couldn't give two shits about him as a human being.
Honestly, I don't think that he's happy. The sort of abuse that he's heaping on his body impacts both physical and mental health. Addiction is a complex problem. The thing is, he'd have to want to get help for the treatment to be successful.
Also, once a person has children the game changes. Your choices affect your children. I am sure that Charlie actually cares about his children, but he is out of control right now and cannot properly care for them. He has to want to care for himself before he can do right by anybody else. This is disgusting

RT @tomorrowknight WOW: Huge snowstorm in the US, viewed from SPACE /

Need to finish proofing my galleys. Stupid cat knocked over my V-8. I threatened to stew him in V-8 if he approached the coffee table again.

Egypt final data line cut off Google twitter workaround found Egyptian #s Google VM tweeting svc +16504194196 +390662207294 +97316199855 "Normal" work schedule may be detrimental to bipolar sufferers.

Following your Bliss: Start Young!

This is a response to a post at BP-Hope about 9-5 being a bad fit for many people with bipolar. Boy is it ever! I'm still punching a time clock (blah!) but I'll never do 9-5 again!

I've been stuck doing things that I don't really want to do for my entire working life, but when I was doing clerical-type work during "normal" hours, it was the absolute worst! I became incredibly depressed. A lot of bad stuff went down during that time too. 
I would love to be able to make a career out of writing and/or editing, but currently I'm stuck in health care. I'm paying to self-publish my first novel. 
I wish I knew how to get out of health care, but barring a miracle I don't think it's going to happen. I don't have a supportive life partner and I don't have any savings. In this economy and at my age, it would be insane to quit my job. a very important dream or astral experience

Pathetic is: when you have to get a cash advance from your credit card to pay the bill on the same card! I would never do that. (cough...)

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Bipolar, Borderline, Celibate

Hypersexuality: As devastating to relationships and self-esteem as a nuclear blast

This was a  response to an article on regarding bipolar disorder and hypersexuality, and how hypersexuality affects the person who is experiencing it. It really is NOT as much "fun" as it sounds to those who don't know the havoc it can wreak on a person's life.

With both bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder having wreaked havoc on my life in my younger years, I no longer have any desire for a relationship. I can't trust anyone enough. I intensely dislike casual sex and what it stands for. It leaves me feeling empty and disgusted. I got into a lot of bad relationships when I was younger and when I look back on it, they all started when I was needy and hypersexual. Now that I'm older any urge for sex comes less often and I'm grateful for it. Once I made the conscious decision to give up sex, sometimes an entire day would be eaten up by watching porn--not even stuff I want to do in real life, just anything that seemed a little extreme. I don't understand this as it is not who I am.  I have been celibate by choice for 13 years now. I do not have any desire to change this. For me, the way to short circuit hypersexuality is to just not go there. I'd rather be alone than with someone who's going to abuse me, as happened in the past.

Reviewing my proofs. They changed the font to make it more uniform. Apparently I'm the only one who thought that the variety fonts were cool

RT @huffingtonpost Nerds unite! Anonymous Internet users help Egypt; @ckanal & @jbialer report:

RT @ctkscribe Genius uses failure like Charlie Sheen uses cocaine. Failure gets genius high as kite bt while flying they reinvent air travel

RT @1successmentor When someone tells me no, it doesn't mean I can't do it, it simply means I can't do it w/them. -Karen E. Quinones Miller

RT @lorimoreno Diets Low In Omega-3 Linked to Depressive Behavior In Mice (Scientific American)

RT @ctkscribe One main trait of a genius is to not listen to naysayers. If you have an idea, pursue it regardless of potential failure.

Saturday, January 22, 2011 Exciting MacGyver facts for geeks (like me!) The Dumb Double Standard

The Dumb Double Standard

"Lesbians are hot but gay dudes are gross."
Most often spoken by adolescent minded straight guys whose homophobic parents told them that gay is gross.
But Bisexual Guy tells it better than I can!
Here's my response to his post about the subject.
The double standard is so, so, so ridiculous. Neither is gross, and as a straight woman, the two guys kissing was hotter to me! Besides, Adam Lambert is a real genuine gay dude. Britney Spears and Madonna? I don't know if either of them actually has any bisexual leanings, but I call lesbian for the camera on that one.
I get so burned up when guys talk about how hot lesbian porn is but then decry gay male porn as "gross." I tell them that they don't have to like it, but is no more gross than either lesbian or straight sex. Also, grow the fuck up!
I also love how films, in the United States at least, try to be ever so titillating (see what I did there?) with their female nudity, but show a penis and it's all shocking and immoral and getting an NC-17 rating slapped on it!

So if any of you use I'm on there as roselemort (duh.) I use it occasionally--sort of like the rest of this stuff.

Friday, January 21, 2011

And now I remember why I hate is having issues tonight. About brains

The siren song of food calls to me. "Roooose! Feeed your Faaat Cellls!!!!"

The little voice in my head keeps telling me "It's five o clock somewhere!"

"For people to love something others have to loathe it" -JK Rowling in response to critics. Love it RT @unmarketing @mysodotcom Check out Nutty Squirrel and other nutty animals too The difference between a skeptic and a cynic. Good explanation! Why yes, I have in fact wondered this. Why must screwing be so complex? I bet you have too!

After moving small fridge & mattress by self I am thinking 1 round w/Jose Cuervo may not be enough! Can't though. Have to work tonight. :-(

RT @arikarthick @JulianLennon @dianaanoann If u could kick the ass of who's responsible 4 most of ur troubles u wouldn't sit for a month :)

promised self if I go 3 rounds (3 hours) cleaning the back room of the house I can have one round w/Jose Cuervo (a Margarita) Going in! For those who still give a shit, here's 21 signs that a guy likes you

I've never gotten people who find cleaning therapeutic. I practically need therapy just to make myself start cleaning!

RT @campusprogress @ryanbrown89 on the dangerous world of at-home abortions p2 fem2

TGIF QUESTION: What's your favourite chocolate bar? Let us know by 9pm EST today to WIN an entire carton of your...

I love how there's always this assumption that EVERYONE wants to be "sexy" and "flirty." I've never flirted & I don't care about being sexy.

Ad: "be dangerously sexy, fabulously flirty, and 100% you." But if I tried to be dangerously sexy or fabulously flirty, I wouldn't be me! Feds sue employer for cancer pt. rights.

"Just do this" messages: "Just stop smoking." "Just eat less and exercise more." "Just throw stuff out." How bout "Just shut the hell up?"

I always love the "just do this" messages. If it was that easy to "just do it," wouldn't the person have already done it by now?

I have 7 cats. This falls into the category of "too many cats," not "animal hoarding." I have problems hoarding possessions, not animals.

I've never had this much trouble integrating a cat into my house. This girl is still scared of the others & 3 of them still terrorize her. Cliches That Make You Wanna Go HUUUURRRRLLLLL!!!!!!!

Cliches That Make You Wanna Go HUUUURRRRRLLLLL!

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
Really? I mean, REEEALLLLY???

Yeah, I am going to smile because someone turned out to be a douchebag and took a big dump on my emotions. I might be relieved to know that his douchiness was revealed so I could wash my hands of him, but "smile because it happened?" 
Really? I'm supposed to smile because I let a douchebag into my life, my heart, and probably my pants?
I think after I get through vomiting, I'll be beating myself with a stick because I was dumb enough to let it happen!

I suppose this lame cliché could apply to some wonderful project that you were working on and you're feeling blue because the project is at a finish. 
But if anyone said it to someone who was grieving the loss of a loved one, said bereaved person would be fully within their rights to choke a bitch! Only the Already Fit (and thin) Welcome At 24 Hour Fitness?

Only The Already Fit Welcome At 24 Hour Fitness

This is disgusting! I used to have a 24 hour fitness membership, but if I were to be able to afford a gym membership again, I would not be going to 24 hour fitness.

I'm passing along some information from a fellow size acceptance organization concerning weight discrimination from 24 Hour Fitness. This is not the first time we've encountered discrimination from them. Remember about 10 years ago, they had an ad campaign with aliens and the tagline "When they come, they'll eat the fat ones first!" That ad campaign was actually banned in China for singling out a group of people for discrimination (that had to have been a first of some kind concerning size discrimination). It wasn't banned in the U.S. but it was voluntarily withdrawn by the company after LOTS and LOTS of complaints from people. It may be time for Round Two!

- Allen Steadham, Director ISAA

For Immediate Release February 28, 2009

Oakland, CA - 24 Hour Fitness Club, the sponsor of the reality show The Biggest Loser, is discriminating against fat people in their REAL clubs. If they are not prepared or equipped to assist people of size in their pursuit of fitness and health, then why do they exist?

NAAFA has received several complaints about this organization, and most recently these were complaints of specific discrimination based on their size. Read just two examples:

Ranae was visiting a friend in Anaheim, CA last fall. Back home in West Virginia, she works out 4 times a week and maintains a moderate level of fitness. Not wanting to abandon her health regimen while on vacation, her friend took her to the Anaheim Hills 24 Hour Fitness Club where she was a member, expecting to bring Ranae into the club on a guest pass. The staff members of said club refused to issue a guest pass for Ranae citing liability issues (she is a size 24) and refused to elaborate on what that meant exactly, hiding behind "policy".

Enrique hosts a popular bi-lingual morning radio talk show in the greater Miami area. Having been a police officer prior to moving to radio, fitness has always been an important issue. A more sedentary job was leading to weight gain so Enrique and one of his closest friends agreed to join the 24 Hour Fitness Club in Miami and work out together. This seemed to be working well for them for several weeks until Enrique was verbally abused by the manager of the 24 Hour Fitness Club and physically assaulted by one of his employees. The club manager had concluded that these two men were in fact trainer and client as opposed to friends since one was obviously in much better shape than the other and this relationship violated a club policy. A heated discussion ensued, an employee began pushing Enrique toward the door, the police were called and a complaint was filed.

NAAFA advises our members and supporters to cancel all memberships to 24 Hour Fitness Clubs across the country. We encourage you to use any other gym, health club or fitness center as a form of protest against 24 Hour Fitness Clubs' mistreatment of and discrimination against fat people.

Founded in 1969, NAAFA is a non-profit human rights organization dedicated to improving the quality of life for fat people. NAAFA works to eliminate discrimination based on body size and provide fat people with the tools for self-empowerment through public education, advocacy, and member support.

For more information contact: Peggy Howell, Public Relations Director National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) e-mail: naafa_pr@yahoo.comphone: (707)246-6116

Bottled Water 2011: Home | Environmental Working Group via @ewgtoxics Interactive Universe

Thursday, January 20, 2011

RT @MoveOn: @BarackObama, Americans are counting on you! Sign the petition for Obama to veto any Social Security cuts

How Much is Your Carcass Worth?

$4915.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth.
Created by OnePlusYou - Free Dating Sites Sesame Street Thriller

Send health care hypocrites in congress the form to repeal their own federal care! hcr @CREDOMobile pls RT of these Romney is the least offensive Plus size beauty Faycin A Croud's new blog about weighty issues. You tell 'em, Faycin!

I am going to finish the first draft of this short story I've been working on even if it kills one of us!

Still getting used to sticking glasses on my face in the morning, but it does help reduce the eyestrain queasies.

I need something to eat. I just don't want to eat anything that I have in the house. I have a house full of cats but they tend to be gamey.

Quote of the Day: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” - Dr. Seuss Glowing mushrooms

Wednesday, January 19, 2011 dumb things to say to people with bipolar disorder bipolar disorder & preoccupation with death Bored? Head over to Pennywise's Abusement Park for a hell of a time

When you're @snoopdogg every day is puffpuffpasstuesdays :-D

Happy 202d birthday, Mr. Poe! January 19, 1809 – October 7, 1849

I can't help it, I like Dog the Bounty Hunter. Maybe it's the 'do. I could easily add a few more pounds of fat to my ass w/these! I lost my dad at the end of November, and this song always made me cry anyway. So...yeah.

Dining on the gourmet goodness of leftover pizza for dinner. Ghosts Aren't Really Supernatural

RT @pemaquotes "On bad days, I’m okay. On good days, I’m also okay.” This is equanimity. -Pema Chödrön The official book promotion blog (as opposed to my mindless blatherage) Aunt Rose's not so cheap prescription glasses

New Glasses

I finally got prescription glasses. I'm still getting used to them because they're progressive lenses (the bottom half is for close work, the top half is to correct my far-sighedness, which it turns out was only in my left eye, and the middle is no magnification.) Driving home today I could see the signs as well as I did 20 years ago, so I thought that was pretty damn slick! 

It's cold this morning and may snow. Maybe today's a sweatshirt kind of day.

Wish I could sleep. Hoping I don't tank on the pharmacy calculations test tomorrow. I'm so rusty! Even with studying I feel unsure.

willdaviddance Is David Duchovny too cool to fall for foolish stereotypes? Will he take the dare? I hope so!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Good one from Conan O'Brien. "Kanye West will have a gay love scene in a movie. The movie will be entitled Mirror and Kanye West." Captain America Fights Suicide

RT @pmduo Sex Education: Lessons in Fatphobia | Good Vibrations Magazine

Guess I'll go pick up my healthful dinner of Little Caesar's. When I don't have someone else around to cook for/with, I hate to cook.

RT @deepakchopra Value who you are. Enjoy your uniqueness and don't compare yourself with others and put yourself down. Love is everywhere!

"The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved." ~ Mother Teresa~

Have to refresh on pharmacy calculations to pass a test in order to do final semester of clinical work. Swell! I think it's nap time now. Aunt Rosie has figured out the formula for success!

Hot Damn! I've figured out the formula for Success!

Move over, Octomom! Here comes the Nonomom!

You'd think that discovering that Octomom made a fetish porn would cause me to tear both my uterus and eyeballs out, just in case. Well, there are scratches all over my face now, but I decided that I would need the uterus and it wouldn't hurt to keep the eyeballs either. Because lo and behold, I have discovered the formula for success, and it is contained in the horrible knowledge of Octomom Porn!
Friends, here is the way to fame in this day and age. I'll have myself fertilized with nine embryos and call myself the Nonomom. Then I will get an orange Oompa Loompa tan and every time I get out of a car I will be sure to expose my poontang. Since I'm trying to get recognized as a writer, I better also pen a purple-prose laden novel about sparkly zombies (sparkly vampires are so last year.) By George, I think I've got it at last! The dough should start rolling in anytime now! Dividing fractions...wild and crazy math stuffs! And now, Kiddies, here's how you multiply fractions! (Well, I'd forgotten...) Finding the common denominator for adding & subtracting fractions

Seeking a pharmacy calculations chart to help me on my test tomorrow. Sheeeeyit! Dear Jennifer Hudson, I Love You, but...

Jennifer Hudson, I Love You, But...

I can't be the only person in this world who thinks there wasn't a thing in this world wrong with Jennifer Hudson, pre-weight watchers. It isn't her that pisses me off, it's the ads. "Before weight watchers, everything in my life was 'can't.'" So, winning American Idol, being in all those wonderful movies, and all those fine performances she did, plus surviving the horrific murders of her mother, brother, and nephew were all 'can't?' How depressing to think this way!

Gonna be working during the day a couple days a week for a while. Guess I need to bother myself to buy makeup again. Meh!

Well, shit. Time to rise and groan. Shocking news--people with bipolar disorder should be treated as human! Sex is Overrated

Sex: Overrated and Overexposed in Our Society

With choices like this, being celibate isn't as hard as some people think

In our sex-obsessed, thinness-obsessed society, there is just one way other than not giving a shit about your weight to raise eyebrows and have everyone back away from you like you just announced that you have leprosy. Wanna know how? Just admit that you're celibate and you prefer it that way.
Now you're going to get two kinds of people. If you're a straight woman, you'll get well meaning and not so well meaning guys who want to be "the one" to talk you out of your celibacy. It won't matter if, like me, you're far from young, thin, and gorgeous. Said dudes will want to be so irresistable that you can't say no to their offer to end your celibacy because of their charms. Well, keep walking, guys. It is not going to happen here.
The second kind of person you'd get is the one who screams "ZOMGHOWCANYOUNOTWANTSEX????"
What they're saying is "I'm randy, I want to stick it to everything/let everything stick it to me. How can YOU not want that? Are you calling me a slut with your non-sexualness?"
Hey, it's your thing, do what you wanna do. But don't tell me who I should or shouldn't sock it to.
There are multiple reasons why I'm celibate, have been for the past twelve years, and choose to remain so for the rest of my life.
Initially it was not by choice. I'd just had so many bad experiences with men that I was completely discouraged about the whole process. 
Well, now that I've said "bad experiences with men" I'll get the lechers who like to imagine women getting it on with each other because they can't get a man, or other well-meaning types suggesting that I just haven't found my true calling yet. Wrong. I don't have a problem with women who are lesbians. But the idea of kissing another woman does nothing for me. I am attracted to men. Our sexual orientation is hard-wired. The idea of a straight person turning gay is as ridiculous as the idea that a gay person can "be reformed" and turn straight. Believe me, if I were going to "turn lesbian" the guys who I made the mistake of being with in the past would already have pushed me over the edge! 
Women who "turn lesbian" were either bisexual or homosexual in the first place.
Straight women do not "turn lesbian" when they give up the game with men. They become celibate.
So, the initial reason that I became celibate was because my man radar was set to "douchebag." It also turned out that my gay-dar was off, because the good guys I was interested in were invariably gay. There was still hope that somehow, somewhere, there was a decent man for me. Five years went by since my last (extremely stupid) relationship with a guy a number of years older than me whose emotions were turned to "arctic freeze" except when he needed a favor of some kind. I met a guy who wasn't pressuring me for sex, who was kind, who seemed to be everything I wanted. Turned out he was still married, his marriage was on the rocks, and while he never pressured me to meet his sexual needs, he was using me to meet his emotional needs. I thought there was really something there and I was disgusted. I think that's the point when I was really, really done.
I realized not long after that I was a lot happier not playing the game. I was always miserable when I had a man in my life. My emotional problems lead me to becoming attached too quickly to anyone who shows any sign of interest even if there are red flags with the word DOUCHEBAG in neon surrounding the dude. Once in a relationship, said emotional and mental problems lead me to become obsessed and paranoid. What is HE doing? Is HE cheating on me? (Probably--he's a douchebag.) How can I live without HIM if he dumps me? Why hasn't HE called me? Ye gods, what a waste of time and energy! 
And if the dude isn't a douchebag? He's invariably a little boy in a man's body, wanting me to be "mommy" to him. Sorry, I have a kid already. I don't need to adopt another one. Much of the time my emotional problems lead me to be unable to meet the needs of others. My marriage failed because of this. The grown-up child became jealous and angry when I started spending time on the actual child that I'd just given birth to. I'm actually not saying anything bad about my ex-husband, only pointing out that emotionally we were both very immature. Once children enter into the picture, such a union is doomed.
My mental state leads me to at times be very needy and at other times be very withdrawn. In the past I've clung to whatever came to me. NOT HEALTHY! 
In other words, I don't "do relationships" well. Best not to have them.
I also don't "do" casual sex well. I don't enjoy the detachment. If I'm going to make myself that vulnerable, there would have to be a lot of trust. There never has been. Never will be. You can't talk yourself into trust. I've got a million reasons for not trusting. People tend to get upset about this. My trust issues are not conducive to a romantic relationship. I actually can't even have close friendships because of this. That bothers me a lot more than the inability to have a romantic relationship.
Now, as to the physical reasons why I don't want sex--yes, I haz 'em!
The problems with my body make it so that sex is actually uncomfortable for me. 
I have problems with my spine. My lower back is pretty messed up. I can function on a daily basis but many things are harder than they should be. My lower body is a pretty uncomfortable place a lot of the time. 
My genitourinary system is also messed up. I have fairly severe urinary incontinence. This may be in part due to my spinal problems. It may be in part due to damage to my bladder that happened during my cesarean section. I had a lot of bladder spasms following that incident. It may be in part due to scarring following several severe urinary tract infections. It may be partly caused by endometriosis causing areas of pressure on my bladder. With endometriosis, parts of the endometrium grow on the outside of the uterus. These areas can become large enough to put pressure on the bladder. It may alleviate once I've gone through menopause and the areas shrink. I can always hope. And it may be in part idiopathic stress incontinence. Put it all together and you've got a rather uncomfortable situation in the lady parts. NOT FUN and not conducive to sexual pleasure. 
Oh yeah, and any guy that is turned on by getting peed on during sex? NOT someone I want to have sex with!
The only way such a situation could ever work would be for me to be with someone that I'd been with for years whom I trusted completely and who loved me enough that the urine leakage didn't bother him. Yeah...not happening in this lifetime.
At this point I'm also pretty much asexual anyway. I am genuinely celibate by choice. Given my druthers between having sex and doing something else--writing, reading a book, going for a walk, turning my mind to mush in front of the TV, eating--I'll choose anything but sex every time. Don't need it, don't want it. 
For whatever reason, some of us are just wired that way, and it's rude of people to try and convince us how wrong we are.
I'm a person, not a conquest. I'm something of a pariah, but I have my reasons for being the way I am.
We should learn to respect one another's sexual preferences--including asexuality. bipolar disorder and suicide

Every other ad is some weight loss crap. You'd think there were no real problems. Cancer or fat on your ass, which is worse? OMGDEATHFAT!

Monday, January 17, 2011

My calico cat is trying to kill me with a gas barrage. Maybe it's time to switch to a different food! You will be schooled in the essential information about calico cats! Was Lincoln in the closet?

When life hands you beans, make a burrito!

RT @jamesvanpraagh Fearful thoughts create an energy force that attracts what we fear. Recognize your fear & stop giving it power over you. Check out Olive Zombies. Fun retro stuff aplenty! Please visit Rose's new blog created to allow her spectral chum Kai Rikard to sound off. Hey! They're missing the mug of the famous Rose LeMort! Would you have children knowing that you are mentally ill?

Would you have children knowing that you have a mental illness?

This was a response to a post at the Manic Depressive Talk blog by a woman who has chosen not to have kids and catches a lot of shit for her decision. The decision to have children is a very personal thing. Other people need to BUTT OUT!

I had my son when I was 25. I was not diagnosed until I was 38, with type II bipolar. I am very glad that I had my son but sad that he has inherited the gene for mood disorders, although thus far his seems to be unipolar depression. I would never have another child knowing what I know now. My son says that he will never have children. Bipolar humor

Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution." I'm bipolar 2. What are you? Nine myths about bipolar disorder

I'm Bipolar 2. What are You?

I have bipolar 2 and rapid cycle. I tend more towards depression. It's gotten worse since entering the perimenopausal phase of life. Also, my father dying six weeks ago has worsened my depression.
My cycles generally tend to be a week to ten days of severe depression (often coinciding with the onset of my period) a week to ten days of normal (although somewhat dysthymic) and perhaps a week of hypomania.
If I could bottle the hypomania, I'd be the most productive person in the world! Good basic advice

Why, Why, Why? Well...

This was my response to a post on a bipolar awareness blog regarding the Arizona shooter and the assertion that he was obviously mentally ill but nobody addressed his issues until it was too late.

Nonviolent mentally ill persons tend to fall through the cracks as well. The cost of getting mental health care in this country is prohibitive. Mental illness still tends to be seen as not a serious issue, even by health care professionals. The person who comes into the emergency room with a mental health crisis is often treated as if she or he is taking time away from the more seriously ill patients.  When people commit suicide, for instance, so many ask why, why, why, but there is often nowhere for a person to go get help. 
I know of a young man who cut his arms severely and was taken to the hospital. He was stitched up and sent off. He committed suicide a couple of years after this incident.
Also, with remarks such as "these cutters ought to save everyone the trouble and just finish the job" spoken by health care professionals, is it any wonder that people are reluctant to seek help?
Until mental illness is seen as the genuine health issue that it is and compassionate, affordable care is made available, we will continue to have such tragedies and people will continue to ask why, why, why? Who's Behind the Mask?

Who's Behind the Mask?

Many young females hide behind a mask of sexiness. While it seems that for some this behavior is natural to a degree, when a person becomes defined only by their sexuality or ability to appear sexy, they are generally hiding their true selves out of shame or fear. Such people are often decried as sluts, thinking that they are better than other women. In reality, many of them don't think very highly of themselves at all.

Some people hide behind a mask of intelligence or ability. He/she is the one who can do it all and do it perfectly. Such a veneer may be hiding a great deal of insecurity. Perfectionism is unhealthy and leads to severe anxiety. Perfectionists tend to secretly dislike themselves. There is a strong connection between perfectionism and suicide attempts/completed suicides.

Lafayette Reynolds is a character in the True Blood television program. Lafayette is always "on." He is a caricature of the fabulous gay man. In one of the more recent episodes, he appears without his flawless makeup. 
Gay people, particularly men, have been taught to feel ashamed of who they are. There are a lot of beautiful, fabulous gay men in this world. Like Lafayette, many of them hide their insecurities behind a mask of flamboyance.

Fashion guy/gal hides behind his/her own mask of perfection. He or she wouldn't be caught dead in anything but the latest styles. His/her authenticity is hidden behind an obsessive need to look a certain way. Such people tend to fear that appearing to be anything less than perfect will reveal all their terrible imperfections, and they will be ostracized.

Per Yngve Ohlin was a real person who hid his severe emotional pain behind the mask of a dark persona known as Dead. This intimidating mask was so convincing that there are those who continue to believe that it revealed, rather than hid, the person behind it. Such people believe this individual to be some sort of an icon of "evil." To me, he is the face of psychological anguish. He committed suicide in 1991 at the age of 22. 

Some people (like me) wear baggy, non-descript clothing so nobody will look at them. Sometimes they will also gain weight for the subconscious reason of protecting themselves from being sexualized. For various reasons, I find sexualized attention very unnerving, and no, it is not "cute" when I (or anyone else) get upset about it. Many people who hide in bulky clothes were sexually assaulted at some point in their lives. Anyone who takes delight in making them feel more insecure is a douche.

Some people, particularly girls and young women, desexualize themselves by starving, taking on the physique of a child. Anorexics are often perfectionists. They believe themselves to be ultimately flawed and fight a dangerous battle to bring themselves to a perfection that they can never achieve. Many people die from anorexia every year. 
The model in this picture is French actress Isabelle Caro. She is 27 years old and has been very open about her struggles with anorexia. She is five foot five and weighs just 70 pounds.

Conversely, I am five foot five and weigh 270 pounds.

There are those who would see fit to condemn both Isabelle and me--her for starving herself to dangerous thinness, me for my perceived gluttony. But not knowing either of us--not knowing our pain, our reasons for putting on the masks that we have put on--what would give you the right to do so?

We are all suffering. Would it not be better to support rather than hate one another?

What mask do you wear? What do you fear being revealed if you take it off?

In case it hasn't been obvious, I like cats. But they do make some really annoying noises! Suicide: It's Not Painless

Suicide: It's Not Painless

The great thing about youth is the passion. The problem with youth is the lack of wisdom. These two elements combined are the reason that so many young people commit suicide. 
The great thing about age is the lessons learned, aka wisdom. The problem with age is the inability to see a brighter future due to becoming jaded. These two elements combined are the reason that so many older people commit suicide.
Kelly Harker feels that perfectionism ties into suicidal behavior. Here is her essay.
People who make statements that those who commit suicide are selfish or stupid are ignorant of the reality. Suicide happens when a person feels so empty and hopeless that they can see no other way than ending their anguish. 
It is true that mental illness contributes to the possibility that a person will complete a suicide. But it is a false assumption that all persons who are mentally ill are also suicidal, although people with mood disorders are more given to suicide ideation.
Suicide ideation is different from suicide planning. There are days when I have suicide ideation but no thought of actually completing it. Some days the thought of completing it is there too. I have reasons why I don't but sometimes it's hard to keep talking myself out of it.
With six billion people in the world it seems we could always find someone to talk to. But that is a fallacy. So many things divide us. Religion, nationality, social class, all these things keep us apart from one another.
Iam...we very alone. Judas Priest Here Come the Tears

Ask the Super Bowl Host Committee to Stand Up and Protect Children via @change Aunt Rosie's thoughts on religion

Why I Dislike Religion

Religion is created by societies as a way to control the members of said society. I was very religious in my youth due to fear of punishment by the deity I'd been taught to worship. Reading certain historical text I learned how many of the so-called Christian teachings were actually created by people in power to control the lower classes. I have seen so much religious abuse that I have no use for religion.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

RT @dee_wallace There is an account on Twitter "@deedwallace" Its a spam scam. Official twitter account is

Many r alone & afraid 2 reach beyond conventions, rules, propriety, religion, which separates us from other lonely souls. RT @faycinacroud

Only problem with little miss Maine Coon Cat are her sharp little needle claws that she loves to sink into my legs. Retrieving lap blanket!

RT @johnmaeda Horse loggers thoughtfully prune rather than completely level a forest.

If you want a meal replacement shake that actually keeps you full a while, drink Ensure, not Slim Fast. For me Slim Fast = Starve Fast!

My 2 black cats weren't born from the same womb but they may as well have been. They look so much alike and have the same meow. Spooky!

If Rosie gets some work done around ye olde Pig Sty, she can play Zombie pets. Get to work, Rosie!

The worst sadness a person can endure is the loss of a child. I would not wish this sorrow on anybody. Why is the universe so cruel?

I don't want to give her blog address out willy nilly because even though a lot of people are kind there are invariably jerks, sadly.

I'm worried about an online friend who lost her son to a sudden illness last year. Positive people who want to help email rose.lemort@gmail A little extreme Sunday afternoon metal to wake yer undead ass up!

Wings of Funeral

This is a song from the first band featuring the troubled young gent who inspired the creation of Lily Strange's original book. Today is the anniversary of his birth, forty-two years ago. The underground heavy metal band Morbid also featured guitar virtuoso Uffe Cederlund (Entombed) bassist Jens Nässtrom, and drummer Lars-Göran Petrov (Entombed)
I'm always leery of watching You Tube videos featuring Per Ohlin (Dead) because some jackwagon invariably thinks that it's the "cool" thing to do to include that damn suicide photo. It is not "cool." It's disrespectful of the suffering that this individual endured in his brief and rather unhappy life. It's disrespectful of his surviving siblings. Anyone with half a brain cell knows these things. There are, apparently, a lot of people lacking even half a brain cell. 
If I have to continue being the uncool old broad that hammers this point home for the remainder of my life, so be it. I did not know the man, but I do know the pain of mental illness, both my own and that of many others. This guy deserved better than this psychic rape involving the exploitation of his sad final moments on Earth. So knock it the fuck off.
Respects in honor of the 42d anniversary of his birth. Please check out and share the Ghost Seeker page on Facebook.

Nothing like a cat taking a big old poop to give you a new perspective on things--bleah!

I've 2 black cats w/fluffy tails. In dim light the only way to tell them apart is the ears. The male's ears are bigger & nearly bald.

More FB sidebar ad fun. This ad queries "will you get married." Not only no but hell no! Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt.

FB sidebar ad fun. "Over 40 and overweight?" Why yes, I am! sexyforever? Why yes, I'm that too! I have such goodies for you if you contribute to my publishing/promoting!

Spooky: Much respect and thx for inspiration on the book. Best wishes for continued healing of yr soul. May your next life be more pleasant.

Honoring today the birthday of the person who originally inspired Lily's novel. Much respect.

Monday, January 3, 2011

RT @johnmaeda Around 1745, art with a capital A went out of style, or at least it stopped opening sentences ...

RT @publishingguru RT @UrbanMuseWriter 30 Writing Quotes to Kick Off 2011

Not that the demise of big shopping malls is necessarily a bad thing. After my teens I found shopping in malls very stressful & boring.

RT @louis_batides Greeley Mall set for foreclosure sale IMHO internet shopping killed many of the big shopping malls.

My old phone was so easy to send pix from. The new one, not so much. I thought technology was supposed to make things easier--ha! These kitties have an unusual condition called fainting Goat Syndrome.

Sunday, January 2, 2011 HFCS a bad deal

Check out Mark Isham – Azael @lastfm Great ambient music to chill into the night.

RT @huffingtonpost 14 words that should be banished in 2011 Kill em all! Or at least anything dealing w/Mama Grizzlies Should Michael Vick be allowed to have a dog?

Aunt Rose on Michael Vick having a Dog: Are You Insane?

There are some who believe that Michael Vick, a man convicted of involvement in the cruel and brutal "sport" of dog fighting,  is "rehabilitated" and should be allowed to have a dog. I do not believe that individuals who commit crimes such as Vick's can ever truly be rehabilitated, and I fear for the safety of any dog that he would be allowed to adopt.
I am appalled that Vick is still earning millions playing for the NFL while decent people struggle to earn a few dollars in today's terrible economy. I also do not believe that ANYONE who has committed the type of crime that Vick committed should be allowed to have ANY kind of pet again EVER! This is not a person who out of ignorance or due to poverty kept an animal in less than ideal conditions. This is someone who deliberately and with malicious intent harmed animals.
Should Michael Vick be allowed to have any pet again ever? If you ask me, the answer is HELL NO! The Random Mind of Rhonny Reaper Cover proof and a little about the book and me.

Book Revision and Card Reading Services

I have completed the first set of revisions on Lily Strange's original story, Lost Beneath the Surface. It is due out in late January or early February. If you are interested in seeing excerpts from the original book, please click the link. This book is no longer available, and Lily does not intend to re-release it.
My revision removes most real-people characters. While the characters in my version are LOOSELY based on the real people in Lily's book, they take on personalities of their own. I feel that working with fully fictional characters as opposed to fictionalized versions of real people gives me freedom to expand beyond the personalities of the real people. Thus, while the character Sigurd Mikaelsson, for instance, is based on the person who inspired Lily's original story, Sigurd then takes on a life--or unlife--of his own. He may be a shadow of the person on whom he is based, but he is not this person's doppelganger.
My revision also brings in more references to the Lovecraftian Mythos, so if that's your thing, maybe you'll enjoy it!

And now, a word about my particular psychic abilities  
While I am a clairvoyant who possesses a degree of mediumistic abilities, and I do have a spirit friend with whom I have communicated for a number of years, I am not a professional medium. As well, I am generally not in contact with the spirit with whom Lily wrote her original book. I spoke to him once to get his approval on the project. He was polite to me. That's as far as it goes. Please do NOT ask me to ask him questions. He does not seem like he's particularly interested in answering questions. He is not "evil." My impression of him was of a quiet, somewhat stoic individual. It seems to me that he generally wants to just be left alone and he doesn't understand what all the flap is about him.

A word about my services:
I am a professional Tarot reader. I will be setting up a blog devoted to readings. As a promotional tool, I will offer one free basic Celtic Cross reading to anyone who allows me to put the reading on the blog. Private readings are $25 per question for a Celtic Cross or two paths reading, $10 per question for a basic three-card past/present/future reading, or $5 for a single card insight, and are done by email only due to my rather insane work schedule. I do NOT do free private readings. 
I will hopefully be setting up a page for my readings sometime in the not so distant future. In the meantime, if you are interested in a reading, email me at and I will send you a Paypal request form. Or if you are interested in having your reading appear on the promo blog, let me know. I won't use your real name.
I'm actually not particularly enamored of social networking, but in today's world it seems to be a necessity if one is attempting to sell a creative project. So I will do my best to be as social as possible. I don't tend to update this blog very often. Please consider liking my page on Facebook for more frequent updates.
Blessed be,

Wow, it's actually above freezing today!